Osmosis: The easiest way to learn Japanese

Wed 1st Apr 2009

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First discovered in 1890 by Lafcadio Heisig. It was a purely accidental discovery that paved the way for easier study of the Japanese language. After a long night of drinking in Roppongi, as usual Lafcadio spent the morning dancing with tuna at the Tsukiji fish market. An angry fishmonger shouted at Lafcadio in Japanese, but this time the Japanese was different from before. Was it just the alcohol or could he almost understand him? After 30 more minutes abusing the tuna, and with the fishmonger still shouting at him, Lafcadio slowly began to understand what was being said.

Suddenly repeating the fishmongers words it occurred to him that he was shouting "Get your bloody hands off my tuna, you swine!". With that Lafcadio realized his mistake, apologized to the fishmonger and spent the afternoon bathing naked in the Imperial Palace moat.

The next day, after making bail, Lafcadio realized that he had learned Japanese through osmosis; the method of absorbing the language from your surroundings. He went on to study it further, writing many books on the subject, such as "Japanese is easy; quit whining" and "Remembering not to forget the Kanji".

The technique involves surrounding yourself with the language at every possible moment so it's slowly absorbed into the body, retaining the words for later use. Eventually after hearing a word a certain number of times it's passed to your vocal cords and brain, allowing you to blurt out the word and understand its meaning. It's a natural process that many actors use today to remember their lines.

With this technique it will only take you 60-80 years to learn Japanese. So if you begin learning now you could be fluent by the time you reach 90-100 years old. Let's face it, by that time we will have extended our lifespan to something like 150-200 years. So there will be plenty of time to enjoy using the language fluently.

Good luck!

Happy April Fools' Day wherever in the world you are! In reality it takes time, patience and consistent study to fully understand Japanese. Immersion is very beneficial for learning and if you're serious about learning Japanese you should do all you can to immerse yourself.

Comments (imported from the previous Wordpress site)

GoddessCarlie said on Wed 2009/04/01 14:41 JST:

I heard, like painting, if you learn Japanese upside down you use a different side of your brain and things suddenly seem more logical. This, combined with osmosis, the results would be simply awesome!

Chris Gaunt said on Wed 2009/04/01 14:50 JST:

I think we're on to something here. Learn via osmosis whilst doing a handstand! I'll give it a try!

ryanthewired said on Wed 2009/04/01 15:55 JST:

you trickster, you. i enjoyed your foray into creative writing.

Ken Y-N said on Wed 2009/04/01 17:27 JST:

I'm a great believer in Japanese by osmosis and Japanese beer by mouth.

Ramses said on Wed 2009/04/01 21:59 JST:

LOL! I actually Googled for Lafcadio Heisig :-P. Whahahahaha, good stuff Chris ;-).

David said on Thu 2009/04/02 02:19 JST:

Ken I'm so with you on that one!

Seriously I've not had the chance to really study since I graduated, but my Kanji reading by osmosis has been working fairly well.

Miguel said on Thu 2009/04/02 04:13 JST:

Great moments in Japanese language acquisition osmosis:

At an onsen in Gunma, a 6-year-old boy bangs his fist into a hotel door three times and screams, "Okaasan! Akete!" Have never forgotten the verb for opening a door ever since.

At a gaijin house in Ikebukuro: I misuse a swearword when addressing Quazi, a very large and strong man from Pakistan. After knocking me off my stool with a strong backhand, he informs me that konoyaro, means "MOTHERF****R!" or "F****R!" and not "What's wrong your problem?" Have not used the term since.

Chris Gaunt said on Fri 2009/04/03 03:24 JST: